Happily, Ever After: Myth or Must
Dr. Linda McNair • March 16, 2026
Many may look at Disney movies and believe there is a happily ever-after, but we are here to
tell you that is just a dream. Perhaps it is not only Disney - but the make-believe story lines
that begin with “Once upon a time” and end with “happily ever after”. The dominant imprint of
the phrase is at the end of the story leaving the impression that the road ahead is filled with
bliss when in fact it is simply the beginning.
You can have a happily ever after if you put in the work and you are intentional about your
relationship.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know when you’ve done something wrong or used the
wrong tone or forgotten an important date. Let us be the first to say, “Don’t beat around the
bush, just own up to the mistake.” It is not very difficult to try to figure out why many grown
people have a difficult time saying: I’m sorry, or I was wrong, or I truly forgot, or please forgive
me.” It doesn’t mean you are less of a person, but it does remind your partner you are not
perfect, and God is still working on me and I’m here for the long haul, trying hard to learn ways
every day ways that we both can be happy.
But alas, pride goes before a fall and a haughty look before destruction. Be it pride, fear,
attachment injuries from childhood or just plain stubbornness, the bottom line is we’re working
against ourselves, our relationship with our spouse and we’re working against our human
nature.
Our nature, our calling, our very purpose is to give and receive love. The righteousness, peace
and joy described in scripture is literally shorthand for “happily ever after” - but it’s with the
work that make it happen.
We’ve been granted, gifted with everything we need for life and godliness (II Peter1:3)
and our best and highest aspirations are available to us (in our marriage and all relationships)
through the power that works within (Ephesians 3:21). Those promises are not only for those
who tithe, attend bible study weekly, fast and pray often and are outwardly pious. Those
promises are for everyone who believes.
Think of it this way. This is your story. You have the power, ability and calling to make the
ending a ‘happily ever-after’, with the understanding that relationships, as essential as they are
for everyone (no man or woman is an island) and it takes constant work. And sometimes the
work may seem to be hard. But as we always say to couples - marriage is hard work - but it’s
worth the work.
So, if you choose to lean into pride and unforgiveness you set yourselves up for failure and the
fairytale ending is doomed before you get started. However, if you realize you are still growing
in God, and He is not finished with either of us yet. Plus, you already put 1-5 years into this
relationship (today maybe even 20-30 years) you might as well demonstrate to your children
and others that you are not quitters.
Now we are not talking about staying if there is any type of abuse going on (from sexual,
physical, mental, emotional, alcohol or drugs). If so, we strongly recommend seeking a safe
environment and getting the professional help from qualified licensed therapist.
Remember the story you are writing about is yours and you can choose to make it adventurous
and exciting, constantly working and learning to make your marriage better than it was the year
before. Marriage is a journey, and the journey is your story you tell it how you want people to
receive it. You decide what chapter this is for you. Is this the end? Is there a sequel?
There are many ways to travel. You can go by car, bus, train, ship, or plane. However, you decide to travel try to decide and book in advance so you can enjoy the benefit of anticipating your vacation. When you book ahead you have the luxury of paying on the trip and have it completely paid off before you leave. As you start to pack and investigate the traffic and or weather you begin to release good feeling hormones (serotonin and oxytocin) in your brain. Your body begins to feel joy and the anticipation brings about a smile. I suggest you make a list of the things you will need and want on this trip. Shop early so you do not exhaust yourself the day before the trip. Don’t forget to add to the list your cords for your electronics. When preparing for a trip you will notice that you have more good days than bad. Because of your ability to step back and imagine your trip. Once you realize what the weather will be you can pack the different items you will need and want. If you are traveling by car, you can pack your meals to save money along the way. Also, you know your food will not make you sick. Some people stop at rest stops along the major highways and visit the different restaurants and possibly you can have an allergic reaction if you have food allergies. Or the food may have been out too long, and the restaurant did not throw it away at the appropriate time. Nothing like having the runs on a major trip. So, beware. If the next rest stop is 30 minutes or more, you must hold until then. That is not a good feeling. If you are using public transportation- bus, train, ship, or plane, to make sure you can bring your own food. At that time, you can decide to pack snacks or lunch or dinner. Choose foods that do not require refrigeration or heating. No worries because once you get to your destination you can eat, at the local spots. Don’t forget to research your destination to have a plan of action to where you will choose to go once there. Do you realize planning a vacation can be good for your mental health. If you are flying be prepared for delays or missed flights or even cancellations. Today things like that does happen. So, whether it is a result of weather or overbooking be prepared so you can shake it off and not develop a bad attitude to mess your dream trip or destroy the good memories you just made. You decide if you will have success over the mishaps or not. Also don’t put on social media your plans to travel away from your home. Because everyone is not happy for you and then there are those who may do some undesirables once you are gone. If you know your neighbor- let someone you trust know that you will be away just in case a package is delivered, and your neighbor can hold at their house until you return. If you are gone for more than three to four days, you should stop your mail delivery. You can do that online. Our recent was a cruise. It’s been years since we were on a cruise, and it remains as we remember it. The were some people who wore mask and some that didn’t. Everyone did their own thing, and no one commented on whether you had a mask or not. It was your choice. The Norwegian Cruise Line had over 4,200 cruisers. We stopped at Stirrup Cay, Bahamas, St. Thomas, Dominic Republic, and other ports. The weather was awesome. Especially since we know it was snowing back home in Ohio. Yes, we seen 80–85-degree weather. The sun visited with us daily. It’s a dream come t true just to sit relax in a lounge chair as you eat and drink all you want. The scenery was wonderful, from every area on the ship. We did see some old friends and met new friends while away. The water was beautiful, and the ship had everything you could dream of, from food, entertainment, and top service. I could not have planned anything better. The memories made on this trip will help me get through the cold months in Ohio. These memories can give you hope and preserve your sanity from this uncertain world. Together with our memories and our faith in God we see a bright, hopeful, and joyful future. Yes, we are planning our next cruise and we invite all who dare to dream come with us. This would give you something to look forward to. The most import thing about planning your vacation is the anticipation of the trip and afterwards holding on to the memories. They are yours and no one can take those memories from you. Your mental health, physical health and spiritual health thank you. May you dream and plan your next vacation soon.
Knowing yourself involves you being honest with yourself. Knowing the things that make you happy, or sad, what makes you cry, and what makes you depressed and/or anxious. It’s valuing yourself and what you bring into any relationship. It’s discovering why you do what you do and how you decide what direction you are taking your life in. It helps you to make decisions on how you want to spend the rest of your life. Do you want to marry or live alone. Do you want kids or travel the world. Only you could make these decisions alone and not having others interfere with what you truly want out of life. Knowing yourself is being aware of your flaws and your insecurities and your weaknesses and having abilities to improve in the area of where you are lacking. What is love? Love is the highest feeling you can have toward yourself and for others. Love can be used as noun, and a verb. Love is showing compassion. According to Webster’s dictionary love is a strong feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection; self-giving concern for the well- being of others; strong enthusiasm or liking. We’ve noticed that some people will treat others better than how they treat themselves. Loving yourself is nurturing and being patient and kind with self. It’s not calling yourself negative names. Taking care of your mind, body and soul by growing and learning new things every day and keeping your body healthy by eating properly and exercising and well as looking into your soul be aware of your emotions and what centers you How do you know you don’t love yourself When you don’t love yourself, you don’t value who God made you to be. You allow others to tell you what you like and don’t like. You have no dreams or aspirations. You have lack of confidence and low self-esteem. Always look at comparing yourself with others, finding it difficult to overlook mistakes and move passed them. Putting yourself last in self-care, not being good with relationships of any types, hiding your true self from others, mimicking others- because you don’t want to look at yourself. You don’t like anything about yourself. Research showed that girls are more vulnerable to comparing themselves to others and reject how they see themselves. This can cause young girls to spiral into depression and low self-esteem. How to love yourself Begin with positive self-talk, self-awareness (be aware of the words you use about self), create a list of things that affirm you and begin to check them off. Don’t allow yourself to occasionally practice but, do them often. Think about things that make you smile, laugh and that gives you joy and do them often. Surround yourself with people who continue to reaffirm you and encourage you to venture out. Build a positive community for self. Treat yourself nice. Meditate on good things and take times to busy schedule to do regular deep breathing techniques when you are feeling stressed. Start to read new and interested books that will better yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Know when to stop and or slow down. Look in the mirror and be aware of the positive things you say to self. Often revisit a list of things you are grateful and thankful for. Recognize your ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) and reject those thoughts. Let go of toxic people and things in your life that hold you back and think bad of yourself. Know, yourself better than others. No one can say negative things and you believe them. As aways, if there are feelings and emotions that you need help with call 211 to get assistance with where you can get some help from a license therapist. If you are having thoughts of suicide call 988.
April is Minority Health Month - and as clinicians who both specialize in marriage counseling, we often have occasion to refer clients for individual therapy. Couple’s work is predicated on both partner’s doing their work for and with each other. However, there are instances where individual work needs to be done. We often say two things. One, anything buried alive, stays alive. We often see in others, and in ourselves, the tendency the ignore, brush over and just move on from painful issues of our past. Moving on is important - however, without adequately dealing with - or processing the pain - it tends to show up in the most unexpected times and places with very unpredictable results. The other maxim we use is, “If you can name it, you can tame it “referring to the unspoken trauma and buried emotions so often invisibly haunting our relationships. Once addressed, it makes life clearer, relationships richer and our previously unexpressed emotions understood. For Black people there are many unspoken, unexpressed ghosts haunting us. For all the homespun remedies of stuffing, ignoring and “just get over it” advice, there are some things that just need to be dealt with for us to thrive better. On April 27,2023, we are hosting a Black Mental Health Symposium. We’re opening a dialogue with a panel of Black therapists to discuss the hidden wounds often ignored. For all our attempts to “just move on” without dealing the racial insults and assaults we face, there are some things we must do to flourish. Black America is not deaf to the calls to ban books about our history, nor are we immune to the calls to erase, ignore and punish those who discuss diversity. Indeed, with each successive report of attempts to shred our humanity, another tear pierces the soul of our existence and diminishes our sense of self. We will rally together to heal ourselves, notwithstanding attempts to devalue us. We have assembled an impressive array of some of the valley’s best and brightest in the field of Black Mental health and invite the public hear the dialogue about the power and promise of engaging as well as the pitfalls of ignoring your mental health. Psychiatrist, Dr. Steven King, Psychologist, Dr. Kellie Kirksie, LPPCC, Gloris Griffin, CSB, LPCC, DEI Director, Nancy McCain and Dr, Sherri Harper Woods, distinguished professor, and LISW-S will round out the initial panel to openly discuss racial trauma facing Black Americans as well as provide insight and treatment direction and suggestions. Dr. Linda McNair, Ed.D, MSSA, and Dr. M. Mike McNair will serve as co-moderators and guide the discussion. This will be the first in a series of discussions. Stay tuned. Location: Youngstown Event Center 5-7:30 pm
As we often fall short of loves definitions, we are never shy on making attempts to explain or describe love. As Pastoral Counselors, deeply connected to spirituality and biblical texts we lean heavily on the well-used and accurate description found in Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth. Commonly referenced as the love chapter has a list of what love does. Not what it simply does, not what it may or may not do, but rather and emphatically states, what love always does. Believes all things. Hopes all things. Endures all Things. We talk about it often and the rub -if you will -is ALWAYS. Ever in the search for an excuse people cite the list as an ideal that no one can reach. It’s seen as a lofty perch too high for mere mortals to attain. And yet, if we believe- what we say we believe and we all believe in love, right?? The attainment, then, is not only possible, but it is required. It gives us confidence to declare what the Bible says- since so many Americans, and a higher proportion of Black Americans than their White counterparts, subscribe to a faith tradition. But our confidence is shattered in the face of so many who ascribe to faith -in words and seem to reject its tenets in practice. It seems like Paul’s admonition to the church at Rome- is accurate —-particularly when dealing with faith leaders who parrot the scriptures but mirror the fallen culture. As clinicians we see clients who are confronted with the obvious tension of saying one thing about loving their spouse, and yet display behaviors that are the exact opposite. “You blaspheme the name of God by your behavior,” according to Romans 2.28. You don’t have to be a scholar to know that “blasphemy” is not a good thing. But the weight of that accusation is particularly poignant considering it was leveled against religious leaders. Love is not confusing. It is always a demonstration of kindness and care. And yet if we present a faulty image, we cause others to stumble under the weight of the façade. For a less churchy definition, albeit just as appropriate from author M. Scott Peck, love is the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth”. Love self. Love others. Love God. Exchange the order. Reverse the priority – they are interchangeable. Can’t have one, without the other and you can’t say love unless you show love. Love is as love does. Always.
To be published in the May 2023 edition of the Buckeye Review As part of the Black Mental Health Symposium weSymposium we must look at relationships and marriage. What if Can a person is inbe in a mixed marriage and ignore race? We know of one such couple where the husband is Black, and the wife is white, and the topic of race is never discussed. Ignoring problems or personal and emotional issues is not the best way to have an intimate relationship. In a loving relationship, the participants cannot ignore the elephant in the room. It cannot be put on the back burner and allowed to simmer for years. Either the pan will burn, or the house will burn down. We have seen it time and time again with one of the members carry the emotional burden for the couple and the family – but it leaves a hollowness and passes along a family dysfunction that become replicated by the children. It is not always the discussion of race, it can be anything – however, we are focusing on race because very little has been said about dealing with racism – since it was declared a public health crisis by the City of Youngstown in 2020, and by the state of Ohio Board of Education in 2021. In his book, “The conspiracy of silence” Dr. Derald Wing Sue proves that the white leadership and white majority – are not only uncomfortable discussing race, but they also actually punish those who openly discuss it. This could easily explain why Ohio at the state level went to great lengths to rescind the resolution passed in 2021 and subsequently punished those board members who would not go along with the plan. It could also explain why Black people typically keep quiet about the trauma inflicted on them because of the daily insults and not-so-micro – aggressions that occur. Even now- as the state is quietly taking over education to continue with the “whitewashing” of history – there is an ongoing and growing need to affirm for ourselves – the value of our identity and the dignity of our humanity. This cannot be done with a single event or conversation, as we are literally rowing upstream against the current that wishes to revision history through a white only lens. While we are talking about racism and its impact on Black people, there is a price to be paid for the white majority – or the white individuals who choose to absorb the privilege and ignore the price for it by others. They must override their common sense and sear their consciences repeatedly to parrot the talking points of color-blindness and “we’re all treated equally, under the law” regardless of race or simply joining in the conspiracy of silence. Conspiracies are not good – no matter how long they continue. Within the marriage and at the homes of couples, both Black and white, there must be a level of honesty that upholds our trust and commitment to one another. This is the glue, the foundation of a relationship. So too, within our households of faith, where John 8:32 is often quoted that “you shall know the truth and the truth shall set us free” we must all come to the place of awareness of how deeply racism has damaged our nation and our conscience. Once our awareness is piqued, we can do the work of buildingof building and nurturing relationships both individually and, on a community-wide basis. In our practice we often say marriage counseling is hard – or functional, nurturing relationships are hard, becausehard because the work – is hard. But we also and affirm constantly, it’s worth the work. The alternative to the hard work to make a relationship work is to exit with all the attendant baggage left in the wake.
When Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King said he wanted to be remembered as a Drum Major for justice, love and righteousness, he was echoing a prophetic edict from scripture. A new book by Tim Alberta, “The kingdom, the power and the glory’, lays out the struggle that the American church specifically and Americans more generally, have with reconciling who we are versus who we assert ourselves to be. His book joins many others that wrestle with the tension and explores the conflict. Importantly, the popular narrative which asserts the false notions of greatness, compassion and equality - have so taken hold of the America psychic that it is hard to know the truth as plain as it is. Are we a racist nation? Of course we are. It’s easy to say and it’s easy to know. The facts are clear, and the history is undeniable. So why is it so hard to swallow? Because it is distasteful. It is repugnant. Anti-human and perennially violent. We have so absorbed the softer, false notion of benevolence while citing pockets of progress and policies that make us sound fair. But thanks to the hubris of the GOP book banning brigade, America is discovering the history that made us who we are. With each edict to ignore, we are compelled to ask why. With every declaration against “wokeness” we become alert to the plan for the great American slumber. Carter G. Woodson’s unearthing the dearth of real history began a search for the truth. But it focused on adding the achievements of Black excellence to the greatness of our nation. A more accurate telling discovers not just the successes despite the odds, but rather the unrelenting efforts to remain inculcate injustice in our laws at every level. The well quote verse from the gospel of John states, “and you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” The longer our history is buried in lies the time until our collective freedom is extended. So, this year, not simply this month, we should redouble our efforts as Americans, ALL AMERICANS, to know the truth. Real love tells and lives the truth. As sour as it may taste, there’s freedom in knowing who we are and how we came to be.
Happy New Year! It’s finally 2024. Be thankful because many did not make it. Rather than fall into the national pattern of only nine percent of resolutions are achieved. Have just one resolution. And that one can be setting boundaries for yourself. Have you ever agreed to do a favor for someone – and soon afterwards regretted the decision because you didn’t want to disappoint the person? Helping someone move or drive them to a doctor’s appointment is a laudable thing. Living is giving. However, if saying yes causes you tension and regret, then a boundary has been breached. Again, serving and pleasing is not a bad thing, until that same service displeases you. No doubt you have encountered an unwelcoming usher at church. They were probably asked to do a job they didn’t really want to do – and the performance suffered along with everyone else. Once you’re into the reluctant – boundary piercing activity – you are mentally tormented, emotionally drained and physically debilitated – ever so slightly. Imagine the impact over time. Because we have seen people mistreated, violated and even dismissed by those close to them, it is easy to understand that as important as they are, boundaries are always clear. However, they are clearly breached. And every time it happens, an emotional wound is driven deeper into one’s soul. Boundaries are a set of rules, much like the rules of a sport or household rules set for children (and adults). Dishes left on the table for you – versus – scraped and put in the sink – or washed by others. Or the lines on a basketball court – if the play is out of bounds – the ball is dead. The rules of personal boundaries vary based on personality, preferences and wants and desires. They are not so clear. If your personality is one that seeks to serve and please others, there is a strong likelihood that you allow others to pierce personal boundaries. The solution is a healthy vocabulary of saying no. No thank you. Or I’d rather not. Understanding that a no to others – honors your personal space and is a yes to your mental wellness. Though you may not have identified the boundary in advance – you know how you feel when it is violated. Consider the following core beliefs that might help you be clearer that you deserve to serve yourself first, before serving others. Unspoken rules do not have to be said out loud. It is a given that everyone knows them. Some unspoken rules: husband and wife cannot sleep with anyone outside of their marriage. Next door neighbors don’t blast your music late into the night (some don’t know any better). Do not disrespect your parents or elderly. It’s like the 10- Commandments. We need these to survive. Lisa Terkeurst, in her book “Good Boundaries and Good byes”, reminds us that boundaries aren’t just a good idea, they are a God idea. Setting boundaries mainly to inform people who you are and what you will tolerate. She speaks to how we can’t enable bad behavior and call it love. There are spoken rules which is where each individual comes in. Now in order for each individual to communicate their needs and desires to other people they themselves must know what their needs and desires are. That is where we come in to instruct you must spend time with yourself and be honest with your preferences and don’t allow others to tell you what you like or dislike. I found many people have a difficult time spending time alone. In order to know who you are and what you want out of life. In order to know what turns you on you must spend time with self without others influencing you. This year let’s look at one goal and that is learning how to set boundaries to build good relationships. Setting boundaries is something that people generally don’t consider. Boundaries are no different than any of the goals you’ve set in the past. However, this one goal will change your life. Boundaries are a part of self-care and supports physical, mental, and spiritual health. As always if you are having trouble with the above topic, you may consider seeking additional help. You can call 211 to speak with an operator that will list the therapist in your area that can help you. If you are having thoughts of Suicide dial 988 and speak to the qualified therapist who can help you.
Staying in the present means being here and now. If you stop and think there is so much keeping our minds busy. Our country has gone through a lot since the pandemic started and the president gave the stay-at-home orders and schools were closed. Causing many to constantly be concerned with the business due to COVID and loss of job and having to teach kids at home or worry where their next meal will come from or how do I pay for childcare and feed my family. Our minds are thinking about so much constantly. Being present will force you not to ruminate on the past negatives or the future unknowns. Staying in the present can cause us to look at what is happening now. You’ll divert your energy away from what is right in front of you. In mental health you need all your energy to help you get through difficult times. For example, when you are depressed, you are not seeing or thinking clearly about what is in front of you. You are allowing your mind to stay in the past and constantly relive the negative that is causing your psyche to go in the wrong direction. Therapists continue to increase their education by learning and getting certified in therapies to help the different mental health diagnosis and all continue to mention the importance of staying in the present. When individuals continue to revisit the past where something bad has happened to them your mind is forced to relive the hurt and the pain. Our minds continue to replay the images. Our minds are busy and moving and if we do not learn ways to control it – it can get out of hand. The mind is where our thoughts generate our feelings and our behavior. When our thoughts are negative it can produce sadness, anger, distress, anxiety, depression, worry, and many more feelings that keeps us stuck and unable to make good decisions, or smile, or make friends, or see the good in anyone or anything. Things you can do to stay in the present Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is when you concentrate on the here and now. It’s paying attention to what is going on around you now. Staying focus, giving your full attention. Try mindful eating. Concentrate and look at the food on your plate, think about how it was made, how long you think it took to make, can you smell the flavors, observe the details of the colors on the plate, think about the health benefits, count your chews of each spoonful, etc. Do deep breathing exercises. When you start to feel stressed or anxious about the things that are going on around you step away and have a seat and gently close your eyes and put your hand on your heart and take slow deep breaths until you can focus on what you are doing and what is going on around you. Meditation is a good way to bring your attention back to the here and now. Meditation is a technique based on Hindu traditions. This is a technique to teach relaxation and help to clear your mind from busyness of day-to-day activity. Staying in the present does not mean you no longer remember the past or don’t think of the future. Those thoughts will always be there but will not hijack you’re your feelings and behavior because you focus on the here and now. Staying in the present can allow you to make better decisions and free your mind to be more creative, and it quiet your mind from those negative thoughts that will try to sabotage your good feelings from coming out. Being in the present can cause you to be happy and future oriented. As always if you are having trouble with this topic, no worries, I would recommend that you contact your local 211 operator to help you get connected with a license therapist that can help you with learning to stay in the present. If you are having thoughts of suicide dial 988 or call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night.
Sleep plays a very important part of health. According to Webster Dictionary insomnia is difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness; or inability to obtain sufficient sleep. When you are experiencing chronic insomnia, you have been having problems sleeping for a sometime. When you are unable to fall asleep you possibly stare at the wall and wonder what you are doing wrong that you can’t get a good night sleep. You toss and turn and hate the hours you are wasting before you eventually fall asleep an hour before your alarm goes off for you to start your day. Those that sleep well don’t think about those that can’t sleep. According to the Sleep Foundation the statistic about sleep is interesting. Did you know on the average people spend about two hours per night dreaming; while sleeping your body’s temperature during sleep drops one to two degrees; adults between 18-60 need seven to nine of sleep per night. Adults over 65 need seven to eight hours; 42.6% of single parents sleep less than seven hours per night compared to 32.7& of adults in two-parent homes and 31% or adults with no children; between 10-30% of adults struggle with chronic insomnia; women have a lifetime risk of insomnia that is as much higher than that of men, and it is believed that between 30-48% of older adults suffer from insomnia. And drowsy driving is responsible for more than 6,000 fatal car crashes every year in the America. There can be various reasons for inability to sleep - disturbing behavior (grieving, anger, hatred, unforgiveness, etc.), health reason, certain medications, hungry, pain, noisy, uncomfortable bed, room too hot, too much alcohol or caffeine, depression, anxiety, stress, jet lag, menopause (decline in estrogen), napping during the day, Those experiencing insomnia can try to try to effectively make lifestyle changes through sleep hygiene, things you can do to improve your sleep: a simple remedy can be to make sure your room is dark, air flowing nicely, bed is smooth, pillow and linen are clean, consider a firm mattress or try warm milk or herbal tea. Consider listening to natural sounds (rain, ocean breeze, or meditate) or take slow deep breaths. Keep your regular medical checkups annually. Some people try using over the counter and prescription medication to help them sleep. Do not exercise prior to going to bed (exercise at least 3 hours before going to bed). Avoid caffeinated beverages before bed. Try not to watch news just prior to sleep. Avoid watching television. Avoid holding on to unforgiveness or anger and reliving the incident in your mind. Avoid social media or gaming prior to going to bed. Recommendations If you tried any of the above suggestions and find nothing works, seek professional help- those who are qualified and trained in CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) Why you need the proper amount of Sleep When you are asleep the hormone melatonin is naturally produced. It’s used and released by a gland in the brain at night and helps control our sleep- circadian rhythm. Sleeping well should be everyone’s goal. You will feel refreshed and energetic to start your day. The proper amount of rest is needed for good health. It empowers individual to think and make better decisions. A person can be more creative. Sleep should not be taken lightly. Sleep is needed for survival. Sleep allows individual to think clearly. Sleep is our super-power. If you are having trouble sleeping after trying some remedies, you may consider discussing this with your family doctor and if the doctor checks out lab work/tests and can’t see anything he/she may refer you to see sleep specialist or a therapist. Whatever you are going through remember you are not alone, and you can get help.
It came on me quick and sudden, I experienced shortness of breath, heart pounding out of my chest, I was sweating and breathing heavy, and I felt sick to my stomach. I made my way to the bed and sank my head into my pillow as I felt as if death was looming over me. I had a hair appointment scheduled that same morning. I needed to leave my house now to make it to Cleveland from Youngstown. There was no way I could drive anywhere because I couldn’t focus. I thought what was happening to me. And it came to me I was having an anxiety attack. One might ask what is the difference between anxiety attack and panic attack? According to the DSM V – which does not actually diagnosis an anxiety attack, but you can find panic attack diagnosis. What’s the difference Anxiety attack comes on sudden after the symptoms have been building up as opposed to a panic attack, which generally happens quickly without warning and more intense and last only a short time span (when going through a panic attack it may feel as if it you’ve experienced the symptom for hours but, really was roughly 5-20 minutes). Those who are diagnosis with panic attack can experience chest pain, chills, stomach problems, possible lightheadedness, or hot flashes. Research has shown panic attack have a multidimensional scaling (MDS) concerning the symptoms, measures derealization, cardiac panic and respiratory panic. When individual experience the MDS they will probably go to the emergency room (ER) believing they are having a heart attack. Once all the test at the ER is reviewed the individual will be sent home and the doctor would mention that the person had experience a panic attack and it’s over now. The doctor may also recommend that the individual make a mental health appointment to speak with a therapist. I recall having a client that went to the ER at least 10 times in three months. He complained about all the money he owes for his co-pay. That is a reason to learn about your body and see the right professional to help you in that area. Seeing a licensed therapist can teach you the symptoms and you evaluate if this episode is different than the last and to learn to distinguish between a panic attack or a possible heart attack. Yes, this can be a scary experience if you are unaware of familiar with your symptoms. Anxiety and panic attacks both experience increased heart rate and short breath and feeling of impending danger causing the stressful hormones to be released. It can be difficult to diagnosis if you are experiencing an anxiety or a panic attack. That is why it is important to seek a professional diagnosis to learn what are your symptoms. Maintain Good Health Be aware of your anxiety symptoms and not ignore them. Symptoms that alert you that you are moving in the direction of anxiety. 1-If you are experiencing these symptoms, don’t hesitate to schedule an appointment with a professional, who understands and can explain what you are experiencing. Schedule an appointment with a licensed therapist. This is no joke, take this as a warning signal and learn ways to control and possibly correct. 2-Do self-care and take it seriously. This is the time to care about you- physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It is unrealistic when people fix one part and not the other parts of humanity. If you focus on one part that other parts will begin to fall apart. It is unfortunate when we think our body is separate and can’t see how important it is to see our three-part beings. 3-Be an active part of your community. That entails getting involved and reaching out to meet new people. Try encouraging other and you will notice your internal problems of stress and depression can begin to wean. Don’t isolate self and sit in your home and wallow in self-pity. I met two women this week in Williamsburg at a Broken Egg restaurant. They traveled together and they are both widows and over 70 years old. They ask me what I would recommend helping improve one’s self-esteem and healthy mood? I recommended that they do what they are doing now. Meeting new friends (like-minded people), getting outdoors and travel don’t be afraid to travel. Consider joining a gym. 4-Set boundaries when meeting new people. You need to be aware because there are some unscrupulous characters, that will try to take advantage of you. Just be aware. 5-Read your AARP magazine they keep you informed about scams. Continue to read and learn new things. Share some of the new information you have learned. As you get older it is important to build up your support system. The only way to do that is to practice smiling and being friendly. 6-Be a life-long learner As always if you or someone you know are having problems with anxiety or panic attacks, you are not alone you are a phone call away from someone who is a licensed professional who can help you with this problem. Call 211- local operator who can connect you to the help you need in your area. There are local agencies who can help you. Having problems is nothing to be ashamed of but not getting the help you need is not wise and can be dangerous. If you are having thoughts of suicide don’t hesitate to dial 988- the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988.
